I bet he comes in French.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
