It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize