he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
