His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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