Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
