she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
