i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
