it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
