honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
