u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize