How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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