It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
