Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
