Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
