ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
