I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
