So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We just shotgunned beers for America
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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