He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
