So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
