you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she pinky promised me she was 18
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
