Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
