You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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