I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
