I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
