somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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