The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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