im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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