Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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