PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
