Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
