just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
