If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize