WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
