Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
