I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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