gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
