evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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