im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have aggressive nipples.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
