remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize