i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
