Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
