Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Tell her she can't have a vagina
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
