We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
