best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
