So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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