He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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