Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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