once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
