omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's rum buckets o'clock
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
