ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
