where am i from again
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
