I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
