I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
