My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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