just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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