he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
