What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
