I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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