I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
