saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
