just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
