I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Duck Duck Cougar?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
