I heard we made out
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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