We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
