Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
