he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
