How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
