Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
