sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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