you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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