I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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