I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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