He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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